I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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