So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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