I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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