Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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