mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
