Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
