Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
