I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
