I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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