You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
