called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
