so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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