Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
