I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
