I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your penis caused this!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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