i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
