IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
