My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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