hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
