PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
