please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
