Well apparently he's into motor boating.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
