She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
