I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
