So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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