just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
