Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
