youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
