remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
