he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
