I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
