sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
