you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
