We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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