woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
