See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
