so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
