I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
