oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
