You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to calm my uterus...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
