i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
