i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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