Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
