I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
