I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
People in love make me want to vomit
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
