Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
