no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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