My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We have so much sex to catch up on
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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