I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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