it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I want a musical about memes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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